


Go to sleep love, I'll be there when you wake up

by killmycreed



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, M/M, What Was I Thinking?, thranduil centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 07:37:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3373226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killmycreed/pseuds/killmycreed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thranduil’s favourite way to fall asleep was with his head on Bard’s chest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go to sleep love, I'll be there when you wake up

**Author's Note:**

> First thing I wrote in ages. Basically I got an ask on tumblr and it made me so sad that I thought I shouldn't be the only one to suffer and that's why this fic exists. Also Barduil is pain, I guess we all know that. I'm sorry. I'm not an native english speaker, so it might be possible I made some minor mistakes.

Thranduil’s favourite way to fall asleep was with his head on Bard’s chest. In fact he liked it so much, that he refused to sleep in another position after the first night they tried sleeping that way. And they tried a lot of different ways after they got together. It hadn’t been easy at first. Both of them hadn’t shared a bed with someone in a long time – for Thranduil it was even longer than for Bard. There had been a lot of fidgeting and trying to get used to the presence of another person in the bed. More than once one of them got kicked out of the bed and trying to get used to each others sleeping habits took longer than both had thought.

Still Thranduil regretted nothing. He would take any discomfort in the world just to be able to spend his night in Bard’s arms. Especially since their days together were limited. More than once the elf king regretted the fact that fate bought Bard into his life when the man was already middle aged. For him it meant that the time with his love was even shorter. They would have thirty, perhaps forty years at most. And only if they were lucky. Men were far too vulnerable. A sickness or a wound could bring death far too easily. And Thranduil wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. He wasn’t even sure if he was ready for Bard to die normally of old age. Probably he would never be. But that was the inevitable pain you had to suffer trough for falling in love with a mortal. And he couldn’t bring himself to feel regret at his decisions.

Some of his advisors thought he had jumped far too easily in this relationship, that he hadn’t thought long enough about it. But for him the choice was easy. He wanted the dragonslayer. His heart had opened and he was able to feel love again. And he didn’t want to waste time with waiting. If he waited too long it could be over before it even began. A year in time was nothing for an elf and yet so much for a human being. No, the king was sure he waited long enough. He just wanted to enjoy the oh so little years they had left.

Yes he may be foolish. An immortal creature falling in love with a human who would never even reach a hundred years of lifetime. But love didn’t care about such things. He lost his heart to Bard, he couldn’t reverse it. Though sometimes in his darkest hours he wished he never met him. It would have made things so much easier. Yet he was almost instantly ashamed of his thoughts. The dragonslayer bought him joy he hadn’t felt in hundreds of years. He was loved. By an amazing man, who brought three wonderful children with him. Even they adored him, though he didn’t know what he did to deserve their love. He was able to have a family again, now that his son left on his own path. It was wonderful. If he didn’t think about the mortality.

And it was far too easy to get lost. To forget about death. At least during the day. His mind was always busy, he had a kingdom to rule, alliances with Dale and the dwarfs and spending time with his new family. But at night the bad thoughts always came back. Creeping in the darkness, making him suffer the fear of not knowing how long it would be until he lost his lover. At least until that one night when Bard pulled him into his arms and Thranduils head came to rest upon his chest.

It was the one sleeping position they hadn’t tried yet after weeks of sharing the same bed. Bard had never really slept with a person that way and he doubted it would be comfortable to have Thranduil rest on him like that for the whole night, but he could see the fear that plagued the elven king and deprived him of his needed rest. And obviously the only way to prove him that he was still alive and well was for Thranduil to be able to feel his heartbeat. And it had worked. For the first time since they started spending the nights together both could relax enough to fall asleep.

Thranduil loved it to feel Bard’s heartbeat under his ear. It gave him peace and knowledge that his lover was still there, that he wouldn’t leave him. And when he concentrated on the soft thumping sound all the other thoughts vanished from his head. Nothing existed anymore. Just him and Bard. Lulled to sleep by his strong heartbeat. It was perfect. And even Bard enjoyed the way Thranduil rested on him. It was a reminder, that the elven king was still his, that he was lucky enough to be the one to court him. He loved it to run his fingers to the long hair, to place soft kisses on Thranduils hairline and hold him as close as he could. 

It was their sleeping position. They never changed it, even as Bard grew older and weaker, hair turned long white. Even when he wasn’t able to hold Thranduil as tight as he could years ago because he didn’t have the same strength anymore. The only thing that remained constant was his heartbeat under Thranduils ear. But it too got weaker and weaker. They didn’t have long anymore. Yet they refused both to even think about it. Instead they spend all the time together, never leaving each others side, in fear that each day could be the last.

It was yet another evening when Thranduil helped Bard into bed. The other man has lost his strength to be able to do it himself long ago. By now it was natural for the elf and he didn’t mind. As soon as he shed his robes and joined Bard in bed he placed his head on his chest. The heartbeat seemed even weaker. They’ve been doing this for decades. And if he was honest he would do it for a thousand years if he had the chance. Yet this night was different. It was hard for him to find rest and he didn’t know why. He could feel Bards heartbeat. Everything should be fine. Why couldn’t he fall asleep?

”Go to sleep, love. I’ll be still here when you wake up. I promise.”

Bards voice was weak but he still pressed a strong kiss to the crown of Thranduils head and began stroking his hair. And slowly the elven king could feel himself falling into sleep. The steady thumping under his ear and the hand in his hair guided him into a land full of dreams.

Yet when he woke up he felt weird. Like something was not right? But he couldn’t say what was wrong. Groaning he forced himself to wake up. He was still in bed. And Bard’s arms were still around him. Why did it feel so wrong?

It was like a slap to the face when he finally realized what was wrong. There was no heartbeat. Just silence. He got so used to falling asleep and waking up while listening to Bard’s heart, that the absence of it left him in shock.

“No..”, he whimpered. 

It couldn’t be over. Not yet. It was not enough time. It would never be enough time, a nasty voice in his head said. But this couldn’t be true. He tried to sit up and could feel Bards’ lifeless arms sliding away. 

”No.. you promised. Please, meleth nin, you promised me to be here when I wake up. You promised… please don’t be gone.”, he sobbed onto his beloveds chest.

He didn’t see the small smile on Bard’s unmoving face, who died in his sleep the way he wanted to, old and holding his love. He only felt the pain of his heart being ripped out of his chest. He buried his head on Bard’s chest one more time. The last time. Even though it was unmoving. There was no heartbeat to soothe him. Never again would he feel the soft thumping sound under his ear. It was over. He was alone. For the rest of eternity.


End file.
